


Murderous Aliens are not the Threat

by Rhino (RhinoMouse)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Lena puts some pieces together, Minor Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Mon-El is a frat boy, This is ridiculous, talking with Mon-El without adult supervision is not recommended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 07:54:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9113854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhinoMouse/pseuds/Rhino
Summary: Lena comes to some conclusions about her friend Kara Danvers. Unfortunately for her the first alien she runs into with her new questions is Mon-El.





	1. Chapter 1

While staring at the prototype of the alien detection device Lena frowned in confusion. When she’d been informed something was wrong with it, she’d assumed it had malfunctioned. However, that wasn’t the case. Instead, it had been sabotaged. She turned the fried internal computer board over between her fingers. It left her wondering what had caused this. Clearly something with a high and focused temperature. A high tech blow torch perhaps? Still, the device had been in a locked box or in her and the head of R&D’s hands since its creation.

She rolled her chair away from the device to her computer. Pulling up the security footage of her office, she isolated the hours when it had been set on her desk. She froze the tape when she noticed something. Rewinding, she watched as Kara seemed so physically nervous around the device as she showed it to her. It still hurt some to see how quickly her friend had believed the worst of her due to a single piece of tech. Tilting her head, she watched as Kara seemed to spot the camera out of the corner of her eye. Then she stepped between the camera and the device and there was what had caught her eye. There was a small waft of smoke passing over Kara’s shoulder. 

Freezing the footage, she went frame by frame. Because of Kara’s position ,she couldn’t see exactly what had happened. She’d turned her back for a second and Kara had done something. Frowning Lena went back through the entire interaction. Kara seemed her normal cheerful self, genuinely glad to see her upon entering the office. Lena could see how Kara was open and interested until she had mentioned the alien detection device.

Lena Luthor was not a stupid woman. She knew Kara. Looking back both in her memories and in the security footage, a picture was painted. It was different than the one she’d anticipated. Initially, she’d thought Kara was judging her based off her last name, even if it was just for a moment, but that wasn’t it at all. Kara had been afraid of the device, and she’d done something to it. Not to mention Kara had done everything in her power not to touch the device. Well, till Lena had backed her into doing so. Reaching up, Lena rubbed her temples. The explanation was obvious. Kara Danvers was an alien.

Pulling up a sheet of paper, she began to list things that contributed to her conclusion. After all, she was a scientist. It didn’t take long before she was staring at a list. The list was making her feel like a fool, an interesting sensation.

“Flew here.”  
Odd phrases and colloquialisms, “Golly.”  
The amount of junk food and just food in general the woman ate.  
Having Supergirl as a source.  
Aborted statements where it was clear she was lying.  
Refusing alcohol, expensive alcohol  
Surviving as Cat Grants assistant, which had to be some sort of power  
Lack of mentions about traffic, almost like she didn’t have to deal with it.  
Adopted.  
Bleeding heart Alien Amnesty supporter.  
A friend caught up in Roulette’s matches  
Getting past Jess by being ‘so fast’  
Her blemish free skin  
Sister with the FBI, that was probably not the FBI  
The constant bubbling energy, at all times of day  
Tampering with the alien detection device  
Her nerves in the face of said device

Lena couldn’t deny it when looking at the list. Two was a coincidence, three was a pattern, seventeen off the top of her head was just fact. Which left her with one inescapable conclusion. The only two people to give her a chance, to look past her last name were both aliens. Kara had remained polite and still become her friend. Even after she’d almost outed her as an alien. Because sweet open Kara didn’t do the smart thing and avoid the family of alien haters. Instead, she had become her friend. Which was...Lena felt shame creeping up on her. It wasn’t just an abstract self protection topic to Kara. Alien detection devices affected her own rights and privacy.

With several clicks she deleted everything on her screen. She did a second check and she deleted the footage from her office where Kara had done something to the device. Then, she destroyed her list of evidence Kara was an alien. Once she was pleased that she had covered for her friend, she grabbed her purse and headed out. As she passed Jess’ desk she informed her to cancel everything she had left for the day.

It took her twenty minutes to reach Kara’s apartment and to knock on the door. As she was waiting for the door to be opened, she felt a wave of doubt. Was this the right thing to do? Kara hadn’t told her that she was an alien. She only knew because she’d backed her into a corner accidentally. Frowning, she nearly turned around and headed straight back to the office. Which is of course when the apartment door opened and Mike of the Interns smiled at her.

“Hello,” He leaned against the frame smiling at her.

Several added pieces slotted into place. “You’re an alien.”

He cocked his head to the side like some sort of spaniel. “Did Kara tell you?”

“Do you mind letting me in Mike?” She said, realizing this was not the place for her questions and apologies.

“Oh right, come in.” He stepped aside.

It didn’t take more than a glance to realize Kara wasn’t home. The couch made into a bed answered why Mike was there. Walking into the middle of the room, she sighed. Of course Kara wasn’t there, it was three o'clock in the afternoon and Kara was assuredly still at work. She looked at Mike and considered the possibilities. He was certainly an alien, maybe he would know the best course of action? “So, Mike...is that even your name?”

He smiled with a boyish charm that she was sure would get him into the pants of most women. “Mon El at your service.”

“You’re an alien then?” She asked carefully.

He nodded. “I’ve only been on earth for a short while. I’m from Daxam.”

Grabbing a mug of what looked like hot chocolate, his eyes blasted lasers into it till it steamed. Lena could feel her heart race as she realized she’d just allowed herself to be in a closed room with someone who could most likely kill her in a split second. Still, it was her best chance at getting the answers she needed before she spoke to Kara. “Kara is an alien as well then?”

Suddenly the charm seemed to drop away as he looked decidedly dangerous. “You want to get her secrets from me.”

Raising her hands in surrender, she spoke calmly. “No, I realized she wasn’t human and wished to confirm it. Also your opinion on whether I should inform her I’ve realized would be appreciated. I’m...unsure of the procedure for this situation.”

He seemed to settle down again clearly mulling over her words. “Good. Kara has put aside a thousand year blood feud between our species to help me.” Staring at her seriously, he continued. “If you harm her I will end you.”

Lena was used to being threatened it didn't bother. What she found interesting was the fact that Kara would set aside a blood feud to help someone. Honestly, of course she would. It was Kara. “So Kara isn’t a Daxamite like you?”

He shook his head. “No, her people weren’t nearly as much fun.” Considering his next words, he bit his lip. “I do not believe she would wish for me to tell anyone her species.”

“That is most likely for the best.” No, that conversation would need to be in private. She would need to talk to Kara about what she’d found and apologize later. Till then, she could find out what she would need to know from a less emotion charged source. “Other than specifics what should I know about her species?”

A look of sudden understanding dawned across Mon El’s face. “Oh you wish to mate with her.” He smiled widely. “Hot.”

Lena couldn’t even find it in herself to reply. It had not dawned on her till this moment that aliens came in the frat boy variety as well. She felt an oncoming nightmare of what alien STDs breaking out in National City would look like. Oh god, did condoms work for aliens? Was someone developing species appropriate contraception and protection? Or hybrids? Could humans have children with aliens? A thousand questions that made her want to sprint down to R&D swam about in her head. Which is why Mon El was able to continue his sexist babble. She added cultural introductions to gender equality for aliens to her growing list of things to look into when she had the time.

“And oh yeah, she’s compatible with humans for mating. It’s difficult to be with a human, you all are so breakable. However, I'm sure you can make it worth the effort.” A dreamy look crossed his features, eyes glazing over. “Of course her species is so boring mating for life like the uptight assholes they are. So, if you wish to mate with an alien I’m a much better option.” He grinned with a sparkle in his eye indicating he was pleased with himself. 

Two hours later Lena jumped out of the chair she’d sat down in at the sound of the door opening. She had never moved so quickly in her life. She grabbed the startled looking Kara by the shoulders. Lena had never been so wide eyed in fear before in her life. “Kara please say there are alien condoms? Protection? Anything? I don’t want to live in a world with alien STDs sweeping through the country. Are there human culture classes? Please.”

Kara looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “Wha…what? Why would i know anything about aliens or...alien STDs...classes?”

“Because you’re an alien.” Lena gripped Kara’s shoulders tighter. “And that’s fine, it doesn’t matter. Please say Mon El is not the face of aliens on earth!” She was somewhat aware she had not been this hysterical before in her life but she had just found out there were aliens with multiple orifices. Aliens whose gender could change based off a partner’s. Aliens who ate their partners after copulation. Aliens who had been known to go for over seventy hours of sex straight. In fact, there were so many alien sex facts. Including various appendages she had never even given a thought to. She wanted to bury her head in the sand. Her brother had not known the true threat of other worlders. It was vast, and it came from horny aliens not the murderous ones.

“What?!” Came Kara’s strangled voice.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so a few people asked me to continue and I figured what the heck? So here you go. Happy New Years! If you want me to add on at some point in the future let me know.

Lex Luthor was sinisterly brooding. Evil plots running through his complex and brilliant mind. It was part of what made him the most feared human in the world, if he didn’t say so himself. His enemies quaked at his very name. The world was his chess board. So naturally he was surprised. His sister had just pulled every string in the book to have visitation with him. This was not a move he’d been expecting, though that was part of the thrill of a worthy opponent. He hadn’t even tried to have her killed in weeks. Which absolutely, did not have to do with his new bald look, after a rather close encounter with Supergirl’s laser vision. She’d...made some points about attempted fratricide being uncouth. And about her uncanny ability to reach him despite being in the most secure prison in the world. Really it was about image that he’d stopped the assassination attempts...really.

Despite being chained to a chair and stuffed in a straight jacket; he still managed to pull off the villainously aloof look. He was going to have to invest in some straight jackets when he escaped. Keeping his head angled down just so, he watched as his sister walked into the room with the sharp click of her heels. She stared down at him with a raised eyebrow. “Brother, new hair style?”

He smirked up at her. “You would never believe the vermin they allow in here.”

She looked at the plain metal chair across from him in disdain. Then she lowered herself stiffly so that the least amount of her was touching it as possible. “Well that’s convenient. I’m here to speak to you about a different type of vermin.”

He relaxed further into his chair. Oh his little sister wanted his help on something. Badly enough to show her hand this early in negotiations. “Unless you’re about to tell me that you’ve realized the threat that aliens are to mankind; I’m afraid there aren’t any vermin I’d be willing to help you exterminate.”

“Aliens pose the greatest risk to humankind in our entire history. Greater even than you gave them credit for.” A shiver went down Lena's spine. She straightened her already perfectly pressed skirt before looking up at him. “The super cousins are the least worrisome threat we have.”

That...that wasn’t in the script. Lex couldn’t help himself and leaned forward. “You got mother arrested. Betrayed everything it means to be a Luthor. Now you expect me to believe you’ve had a change of heart?” 

“Hardly.” Lena flicked her wrist . “You and mother can’t seem to see the big picture. Aliens murdering us is not the issue. And the Medusa virus? Really?”

He leaned his head to the side examining her. “It would have been mothers finest moment in combating the alien threat.”

“Oh please,” Lena scoffed. “It would have killed 99%, maybe of the alien population in one isolated city. Before the virus could be replicated and used to eliminate the threat on a planet wide scale. With the resources available to the pro-alien movement, a vaccine would have been developed. And it would have only freed us from the ones already here.”

Lex blinked because she was right. “It would have given us time to create better weapons! Better ways to defend ourselves!”

She rolled her eyes. “Alien civilizations are years ahead of us in terms of technology. The only tech anyone has ever created, to effectively fight against the other worlders, was based off captured alien tech.” Her eyes lit up with the familiar light they got when she had a breakthrough in her research. Lex remained silent, fascinated by his sister’s conclusions. Because she wasn’t wrong.

“The war over whether we as a race would be forced to share our planet was lost before you tried to kill Superman.” She held up her hand sharply as he started to speak. “Let me finish before you retort, manners.” His teeth clicked shut in surprise as she continued. “Of course if you’d fought such a war in the political realm, you might have forestalled the conclusion to this stage in humanity. For a time at least. But the fact of the matter is aliens are here, and like the heads of a hydra, cut one off and three more grow back. Which leads to why I’m here. I need your help.”

“You want me to build anti-alien weaponry?” He asked in disbelief.

“No I’m going to buy alien weapons designed to kill aliens from the aliens. It will accelerate our world's military and police force by years and make L-Corp billions if not trillions of dollars.” She was clearly excited about this course of action.

He had to interrupt though. “Why not just kill them and take their weapons?”

She looked at him like he was two inches tall. He hadn’t felt this insulted since their father had been alive. “Why would I do that? For the cost of a few salaries I can pay the aliens to adjust the tech for human needs, instead of pay for humans to learn how to use it. And that’s before they’d have to learn how to adapt it. Far faster to just hire the aliens to work for me so I can beat our competitors by years in the development phase. No what I need your help on is contacting your allies who have access to alien experiments.”

“Why would I do that if I had such contacts.” He asked.

“Because brother the greatest threat to mankind is not being killed by some rogue alien. With the new weapons I’ll be contracting out within the year and a few aliens like the Super’s, we can protect our earth. No the greatest threat is alien/human copulation.”

He felt his face scrunch up… "Aliens fucking humans is what you think the greatest threat to humanity is?” Maybe he shouldn’t have tried to kill her? Clearly the stress had finally driven her insane.

Her eyes widened with a fanatic light as she leaned forward. “Yes. What do you think all these aliens do once they get to earth? After they’ve cobbled together some fake papers and gotten a shitty job? They have sex brother. They have lots and lots of sex with humans.”

“You’re serious?” Lex looked over his sister carefully, had something happened to her? Did he need to kill someone for hurting his sister besides himself? He was the only one allowed to harm her.

“Of course I’m serious!” She snapped. “Lex they have bars, and I can’t blame humans for sleeping with them. Mon-El…” She made a gagging noise of disgust. “Has slept with so many humans he can’t even remember them all. I had to tell him what a condom was Lex. That is an unknown number of humans, who've had unprotected sex with an alien. One with the maturity and brain power of a frat boy!”

“Then kill him!” Lex said as it dawned on him what had frightened his sister. Did alien STD’s respond to normal antibiotics? Could they kill humans? Was mankind one careless one night stand away from a plague that would kill them all? He knew how foolish and dim other humans could be when it came to sex. A shudder ran through his entire body at the thought of how many women Superman had to have slept with... The hero with a cape made otherwise intelligent people turn into blathering fools.

Lena gestured to the camera’s mounted in the walls. “I can’t! Because you and mother decided to turn into terrorists and destroy the credibility of our family! I can’t even sneeze near an alien let alone murder one! And even if I did he’s not the only one…." A shudder of revulsion ran through her.

“Superman must be stopped! Who knows how many women he has seduced with his cape already!” Lex said in horror.

Lena waved him off. “Oh the Kryptonians aren’t a threat. We just have to convince the government to give them a paycheck with a benefit package. That way they’re accountable if they ever go insane. There are already methods of handling them. Though how you failed to kill Superman I'll never know.”

“How can you say that?! He has a cape!” Lexa was pale his eyes wide as he strained forward against his bindings. He conveniently ignored her insult to his attempts to murder the caped wonder. “If you were ever my sister you must stop him!”

“Oh leave off on Superman already.” She snapped. “Kryptonians mate for life anyways, they aren’t a threat.”

Lexa rocked back in his chair in shock. “What?”

“Unlike you I approached the situation like a reasonable human being. Instead of killing the most powerful being on the planet I befriended her. I have a weekly invite to game night with the super friends. And yes they really call themselves that. In the last month, while mother was running around making cyborgs and trying to release a virus, I talked with no less than thirty different species of alien. I know the password into the alien bar.” She seemed to relax as smug pride wafted from her. “I already have R&D making telepathic blockers to hit the markets next year. Do you know how many of those I’ll sell once the media realizes there are aliens amongst us that can read our minds? I’ve already hired one to accompany me to meetings to keep me informed. L-Corp hasn’t been this stable since it was founded.”

She stood up sweeping her arms dramatically. “That’s not all. I have beings working in my science labs that think of advanced physics as childish addition. If I’m ever in danger I have a Branx warrior as my head of security.” She pointed to the stylish ring on her right hand. “And with a simple push of my finger I can summon Supergirl to my side for aid anytime of day or night. In a week I’ll be going public with my new hiring policies and releasing information on no less than fifty new prototypes. Each that on their own will net L-Corp millions. By this time next year I’ll be the richest human on the planet.”

“By aiding these monsters who will destroy us!” Lex cried out in fury. “You admit they’re a threat and yet you wish to work with them?!”

“Of course!” She threw her hands to the side in frustration. “Who better to help come up with cures to the diseases they bring!? And how do you design condoms for creatures that are not biologically compatible with human designed ones?! How else can we afford to build alien integration programs to teach them what is not acceptable? Who better to police aliens than aliens we’ve hired and trained to protect earth. If they want to live here then we can make them deal with the issues they bring, aid us in leaping years ahead technologically. It would help things move faster if I could put more funding into development without having to prevent an assassination attempt. Or deal with the bad press from Cadmus.”

“You want me to shut down Cadmus so your PR team can advertise better?” He asked finally, completely floored. This had not been where he had seen this going.

“Yes.” She looked pleased he’d gotten it. “Unless you want to get some alien disease in here,” Lena glanced at the floor with disgust. “Then I suggest you help me preemptively stop a pandemic.”

Lex was brilliant. It did not take long for his brain to conjure up images of alien groupies contracting horrible diseases and then spreading them... He’d always been careful not to pick anything up, or have any bastards but other people were not him. They were foolish. It was horrifying, and a truly more pressing threat than Superman going on a killing spree. “Alright.” He found himself croaking as he slumped in defeat.

Lena smiled at him as a weight seemed to lift off her shoulders. “Oh thank god. In the fight for humanity every day counts.” A dark look passed across her face. “And if you keep the Luthor name out of the press for a month or more a certain alien’s castration won’t be pinned on me.”

He nodded. He’d underestimated his sister, she could help carry on the family duty of saving the world. He would have to take the next proper steps once he escaped this hell hole. But for now her methods would avert disaster. “The labs for Cadmus are black family property holdings. They could be renovated and turned legitimate, or less black book.” Lex decided to ask his sister an important question. “When the day comes and we’re invaded what will you do if you’ve focused our energy on this?”

“When that day comes we’ll have aliens who’ve fought and dealt with our invaders, living amongst us. We’ll have a military outfitted with the latest in interstellar technology. We’ll have aliens standing side by side with humanity in our armies. When that day comes we will crush our enemies into dust so utterly that the rest of the galaxy will learn that earth is to be feared.” She tilted her chin up with determination and commitment.

///

Alex rubbed at her temples as she stared at the intelligence report she’d just read through. “Is this all confirmed?”

J’onn had his arms crossed against his chest. “Yes, as unbelievable as it is it’s true.”

“Do we need to put Mon-El into protective custody?” She asked in some slight disbelief that this was her life.

“Perhaps we can turn a blind eye…” He trailed off much to Alex’s disbelief. “It isn’t in our department mission statement to protect alien refugees from castration.”

Alex stared at him silence. “Should we talk to him about freezing his sperm to preserve his species? Also warn him to wear protective gear over his reproductive organs?”

J’onn sighed. “Yes...just...yes.” The martian looked like he was in pain. “And tell him to keep it in his pants for a while.”


End file.
